#010: The Part Where I Stop Doing Things That Drain My Energy
A broad and subtle list (in no particular order)
This past year has been one of great insight, change, and letting go of what no longer serves me (aka: what drains my energy). The list(s) below could be much longer but I decided to limit myself to 15 things (off the top of my head). I plan to keep adding to the list(s) in the coming year and letting this be a reference point for myself when I forget. (Because, hello! we all forget sometimes, especially when conditioned patterns and mindsets run deep).
I hope you are inspired to write your own list(s) and share here (or keep for yourself) — whatever feels good to you :) Enjoy!
The List (of things I’m no longer doing):
Masking my joy
Letting shame hold me back from speaking what’s true (for me)
Acting as if I don’t know my own power, value, and worth
Avoiding the word ‘sorry’
Running group programs
Believing in ‘sales funnels’ as the best way to get business (and believing there’s something wrong with me because I’m ‘bad’ at it)
Pretending I like something because someone else likes it and thinks I’ll like it too
Spending time or talking with people who aren’t as invested in the conversation or relationship as I am
Trying to guess what other people are thinking
Assuming I’m a burden, problem, or nuisance
Forcing myself to hurry
Listening to online advice just because the person has a big following
Giving a shit about the algorithm
Posting for likes, comments, or follows
Hiding my feelings
What’s on your ‘no-longer doing’ list?
A New List (of things I’m doing instead):
Focusing on inner happiness
Speaking with humble honesty
Doing things that remind me I’m powerful, valuable, and worthy
Saying ‘I’m sorry’ as often as I want (it’s a sentiment, not an identity)
Working with more clients 1-on-1
Sharing from my heart as I feel called
Being true to my likes and dislikes (I daresay, even delighting in them)
Spending time or talking with people who are as invested in the conversation or relationship as I am
Asking for clarity
Loving, forgiving, and accepting myself so I can shine my light without restriction
Honoring my natural essence pace (aka: slow af)
Listening to my inner wisdom and seeking advice from people I admire
Doubling down on heart-connection
Making more art, writing what feels good, and posting what I want
Expressing my big feelings and letting myself be seen in all my glory
What’s on your ‘doing instead’ list?
Most of the items listed above have been under active construction in my life for years. As old mindsets, beliefs, and behaviors leave, I get to consciously choose (and invite) what (and who) gets to fill my heart, mind, body, and life.
Questions I like to ask myself when replacing old patterns:
Does this bring me joy?
Am I excited to do this?
What’s the honest, simple truth?
What if no one notices? Do I still want to do it?
Does it bring me peace?
Who do I really, really love being around?
What would feel good and nourishing right now?
A Love Note (about how we are always changing and what was once energizing can now be draining).
“My life is not possible to tell. I change every day, change my patterns, my concepts, my interpretations. I am a series of moods and sensations. I play a thousand roles. I weep when I find others play them for me. My real self is unknown. My work is merely an essence of this vast and deep adventure.” (Anaïs Nin)
Once upon a time I had all the energy in the world to throw elaborate birthday parties for my children with homemade everything — invitations, goody bags, cake, snacks, costumes, and decorations. Then? Nothing. The desire to throw big parties for my kids went away. Poof! Like some magic spell was broken and now the only energy I could muster was for a Costco sheet cake, takeout pizza, and a group text invitation to the other moms in my kids’ fifth grade class.
The same goes for mopping the floors, doing my own bookkeeping, and hosting live events. There was a season in my life when doing these things brought me great joy, fulfillment, and purpose. But now? I can’t remember the last time I actually mopped my floors (not just wiped up spills with a paper towel). Not to mention I haven’t looked at my QuickBooks account in over a year because now I have a bookkeeper to do all my accounting for me. And the very thought of solo-hosting an event makes me want to die on the spot. Full stop.
This concept also be applies to relationships. There was a time when I really needed people in my life who were going through the same difficult things I was. We would get together with a couple cocktails or cups of coffee between us and kvetch about our lives. There was even a time in my history as a teacher and storyteller when this was absolutely essential to my healing and growth process. However, as time went on, my relational needs changed. I no longer needed hours-long complaint-based processing sessions to feel good. What was once helpful became draining. Some people in my life changed along with me and we shifted the focus of our conversations from complaint to encouragement. With others, we grew apart, or parted ways altogether. As a coach, I can no longer hold space for people who are stubbornly in cahoots with scarcity, victim, or chronic complaint mindset. I’m only available to clients who are ready to heal from their past and take ownership over the direction of their life.
Note: This doesn’t mean I don’t still catch a case of 'the victims’ or need to let off steam with a good rant. I’m talking about the natural process of outgrowing unconscious mindsets and identity rooted in negative patterns :)
All this to say, it’s important to let ourselves outgrow things in life. Throw the party or don’t. Or, throw the party, but do it differently, according to what feels good now. We are free to change — our minds, our wants, our beliefs, our moods, our appetite, our energy. Some changes happen naturally, like a child outgrowing their shoes — suddenly the old way doesn’t fit anymore and you couldn’t go backward if you tried. Other changes happen because you need or desire something different, or the old way isn’t working anymore. Regardless of why changes are occuring in your life, I hope you know how valuable and worthy you are of being happy, healthy, fulfilled, and free to express yourself without fear, and that the changes in your life support this truth.
Thanks for being here with me.
Love, J ❤️
“The Only Constant in Life Is Change.” (Heraclitus)
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Fantastic lists. I am rethinking the "sorry" thing, now, too. People say quit saying you're sorry. But hey, why, if its sincere? Some don't say it nearly enough.
This is too good sister! Love it all!!!